There’s no shortage of relaxing activities to take up for a more chilled stag do, so if you and your mates think it would be more suitable to plan something a little less exhausting then it’s well worth sourcing a few locations that provide mellow activities. Let’s have a quick look at a few weekend activities that will have the groom-to-be heading home relaxed and well rested.

Go Swinging

Or to put it less incriminatingly, go on a golfing weekend. Golf is a relaxing sport that encourages lots of time spent outdoors, in the sun. There are plenty of golf resorts that offer stag deals, with a full tour of the 18 holes and then food and drinks at the bar all included with the price of your accommodation. No need to rush out and buy everyone’s golf bags; most resorts are happy to loan equipment to guests!

One way to ensure a quality golfing break is to book somewhere abroad; you really only have one shot to enjoy a stag do that heavily relies on nice weather, so be sure to book a resort in a warm location.

Deep Sea Fishing

Deep sea fishing has proved to be a fantastic activity for stag lads; fishing enthusiasts are sure to relish in the size and variety of fish they are likely to catch and with expert advice on-board, nothing can go wrong. These days are a great way to keep you and your mates enjoying each other’s company and keep the lads together as a tight group. Do be warned however, deep sea fishing trips tend to take several hours at a time so make sure everyone on the trip won’t suffer from sea sickness.

Hit the Races

An age old favourite! The horse races aren’t really something to build a whole weekend around, unless you are overly attached to these equestrian shenanigans and your pals are made of money. Horse races are a great activity to include in a weekend mash-up of activities; it allows you to leisurely place a few cheeky bets and enjoy a drink or four at the bar before heading to your next destination.

Brewery Tours

Again, not the main point of your stag weekend, but certainly an enjoyable couple of hours! Here you can enjoy some quality banter with your pals and enjoy a variety of beers whilst learning how it’s made and where it came from. Certainly one to consider for the lager enthusiast!

So there you are, a few simple ideas that can help you piece together a chilled weekend for you and the lads.

While we’re here… bit of a grisly story coming from Scandinavia
reaching us here at Stag Co towers from the folks at the Huffington Post. If you’re of the easily offended variety, probably best give this one a swerve for your own sake.

A Satan-worshipping man named Isakin Jonsson has asked for permission to wed fellow inmate and self-confessed human vampire Michelle Gustafsson after falling in love via an instant messaging services at a psychiatric facility in Katrineholm, Sweden. Jonsson is being held in the facility after admitting to beheading a mother-of-five and eating her body on the internet. His would-be bride-to-be Gustafsson is in for killing a single father and drinking his blood. It’s not yet been confirmed whether or not the request will be granted but Jonsson said:

“I love Michelle and have never met anyone like her. I want to live a non-criminal life.”

He then put the romantic angle to one side after being told by The Sun that the paper wouldn’t pay someone guilty of such a crime by saying:

“This call ends now if you have no money for me.”

The paper then ended the call. Sweden’s justice system is notoriously liberal which allowed Jonsson and Gustafsson to opt to spend their lives in a secure medical facility to dodge jail. The pair are likely to spend the rest of their lives at the facility and it’s unlikely that their request will be granted.

Well, it’s hardly Romeo and Juliet… anyway The Stag Company are currently offering discounts on their Tallinn stag weekends, visit our Tallinn page or call 01273 225070 to find out more.

One strip club in South Africa has moved to create a solution to this problem by developing a range of aftershaves to hide men’s footprints after a night of naughtiness. The “Alibi” range has been developed to back up men’s tall tales with a wide range of flavours available.

These scents include the “My Car Broke Down” aftershave which recreates the smell of fuel, burnt rubber, grease and steel, and their “Working Late” aftershave includes the smell of coffee, wool suits, cigarettes and ink. Even the club admitted their surprise at the popularity of the idea and with bottles selling for £24 a pop, frankly so are we. People from across the world are trying to get hold of a bottle of Alibi from as far afield as the Far East and Europe.

“Men seem desperate to get their hands on this stuff,” boss Shane Harrison said.

Hmm, we can’t help but feel that this is a problem that could be cut off at the source by actually telling your wife or girlfriend that you’re going out and telling her to deal with it – much more effective and much more masculine. Still, a nice idea and if you are under the thumb, then perhaps you should order a bottle.

To find out about a Nottingham stag do that you’ll need a gallon of Alibi to conceal, visit our site or call 01273 225 070.

The Bratislava stag do leapfrogged many of the traditional stag weekend destinations in the past year, thanks to many of its activity operators spotting a market for Brits to come over and shoot, drive and drink their way to stag party perfection. We offer a wide range of packages available to help struggling best men to find the itinerary that says most about his group and now at reduced prices so you can keep your arm and leg firmly attached.

All packages include hotel accommodation for 2 nights, VIP nightclub entry with two female guides and return transfers.

Rage Against the Machine – £135

If clambering aboard a quad bike and setting off on a safari sounds like your idea of fun, this is the stag party package for you. Not only will we send you off on an adrenalin fuelled trek, conquering obstacles to press home your superiority behind the wheel for the stag do bragging rights. Hotel accommodation and entry into some of Bratislava’s best clubs and bars.

Call of Booty – £119

The Call of Booty package combines the best of British with the best of Bratislava as we send you on that classic Great British stag do activity, paintballing. We know that one of the most difficult aspects of arranging a stag party overseas is that you can spend your entire weekend trying to find the best nightspots – we take that pressure out of your hands by arranging your entry into some of the best clubs the city has to offer – roadtested by The Stag Company.

Eat Sleep Party – £109

The Eat Sleep Party stag weekend package is ideal if you’re looking to satisfy those primal urges. Sleeping is taken care of in your comfortable hotel slap bang in the centre of the city, eating is taken care of courtesy of a traditional three course meal – more than your average stomach lining beer and a burger and we’ll even throw in VIP entry to a lapdancing club so you can see some of the city’s sexiest ladies doing their thing for the benefit of the stag.

So that’s it, what are you waiting for? Get putting together your Bratislava stag weekend now by calling 01273 225 070.

The winner of this ‘prestigious’ award will be crowned in due course but for now, let’s take a look at some of the entries that we’ve received.

If you read yesterday’s post you’ll be aware that our very own marketing manager Keith White was nominated by his friend Michael – well, Keith’s had his revenge at the death and that’s precisely where we’ll start today’s entries.

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My nomination for Britains most under the thumb bloke is for Mike Jeffries.

This guy is unreal. I find it hard to still call him a guy, since the last time he used his ‘willy’ was for a sit down wee.

Mikes career best ‘under the thumb’ Highlights come in this tidy form:

1) his mrs makes him pee sitting down so she doesn’t have to put the seat down. She also holds spot checks to ensure this is happening, and he can’t lock the door to allow the testing.

2) he isn’t allowed to poo during the day incase it cuts into their alone time

3) he had to propose To her while they were queuing to see the top of the Eiffel Tower whilst on a ‘valentines day’ visit to Paris, because and only because the guy in front did it to his mrs.

4) he is not allowed to see his friends the night before any planned night out because “it is their last night together”

5) he wasn’t allowed his own mates to his birthday party. Only her friends.

6) he had to wear a pair of welly style leather boots that she bought him, purely because his mrs saw Arg wearing them on Towie

7) he wasn’t allowed to go see his best mate once because she accused him of being gay because they spent too much time together

he won’t be allowed to go to newcastle on that off the leash package and will be forced to go on the spa weekend

9) for fathers day he took her for a fish pedicure

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My mate Steve is my nomination. Two years ago he would be out every weekend (and most weeknights) with the boys drinking and spending all day at the cricket on the beers. But since he met his current lady that has stopped. We are now lucky if he is allowed out evry 6 months. In addition he has at her request quit his job so he can work from home and up sticks to move 100 miles away from his former life!!! All this would surely make him a shoe in for the most under the thumb man but the latest news is she has persuaded him their life together would be complete with a puppy- despite his allergy to pet hair!!!!”

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My name is Ryan Fagan and me and my collective group of friends actually know Britain’s most under the thumb man. As a little background information, I am a second year Keele university student living with three others including the man himself. As a regular Zoo reader i saw this competition and felt it my duty to inform Zoo readers and the rest of the world about this person. There are an uncountable amount of stories i could tell you however i believe you can only type several hundreds of thousands of words into an email… This isn’t enough for the sheer amount of encounters of ‘Unladdish’ and ‘cringey’ moments that have happened since i met this person at university.

Myself and two other housemates recently arranged our annual summer holiday (This time to Ibiza) which usually includes girls, Alcohol, Clubs and kebabs. The same as last year we asked Macs (The massive Sap) to come join us and proceeded to tell him how we would have the best time of his life and how it would be worth every penny. He again rejected our offer saying how he didn’t have the money but he would love to come. Instantly we could tell this was utter Bull**** and new there was another reason. After long interrogation he still told us it was simply money problems. I dug deeper and went straight to the source it’self… The Girlfriend! She explained to me how Macs was going to be booking a week away in Edinburgh and that this would be costing almost exactly the same as our early booked, dirt cheap amazing week away in the best clubbing destination in the world! I told the lads about this disgraceful, deceitful trip he was booking instead of one with us. He lost huge amounts of respect and we made it our duty to tell everyone about how his girlfriend had such a hold on a trip of a lifetime.

Macs See’s his girlfriend who lives in Liverpool every week when she travels down to our rented house. I believe this is very often for a university relationship especially with the workload. He Pays for her to travel to and from Liverpool and spends like crazy on her when she is here. Her nights out, new straighteners, food, drink, you name it he’s bought it her. He calls her baby in every sentence but pronounces it ‘bby’ which adds a massively cringey element. When she arrives on the train he travels on the bus to meet her just to come straight back. He then cooks for her every night, asks her every millisecond if she is okay just in case she ‘kicks off’. She even told him to get a hair cut because she didn’t like it and he did it. Once she even straightened his hair!! (its not even long). It’s such a shame, there is a true lad under this and being under the thumb is destroying this.

I wish i was not writing this email, but as i explained before this boy needs whipping into shape and sorting out. Tonight Tinchy Stryder is coming and playing a gig at our relatively small university. Me, my housemates and all of our friends have tickets except one person. Macs. He is spending the night in with his girlfriend who doesn’t go our university and visits EVERY WEEK. This is an unmissable event and will be a brilliant night as everyone is going. However on his girlfriends request… He is not attending. Sometimes when he tells me these things i try to be sick. and she has him ‘Under the Thumb’ so bad. He is whipped,controlled,manipulated and an overall massive sap. He used to have brief spells of being a Lad but his appearances out with us, his ‘friends’ are now minimal and i need Zoo’s help to get him back on track!

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So there you have it, more tales of deceit – we’re no longer accepting entries but if you fancy tickling our funny bone anyway, visit our Facebook page and dob your mate in.

Yep, there’s still just a few hours ticking down all the while. Think of me as Jim White with the yellow ticker running down the bottom of the screen as Britain’s slipperiest eels are called to account for their crimes against fun. Here are a few entries we’ve received for consideration for the Newcastle stag do. If you can do better, get your entry into underthethumb@zootoday.com.

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I’d like to nominate Peter O’Dwyer since he met up with ‘er indoors he has been under constant thumb pressure. So much so that you stand more chance of seeing Osama
Bin Laden or Elvis Presley or even a ￡9 pound note than seeing Pete, once the life and soul of any function he is now only a memory, a distant star that is fading. There are plenty of rumours going around that he is shrunk by at least 6 inches from the constant thumb pressure being applied which has also seen him develop a small bald patch where the thumb is applied. Now, if we were to win this trip we could get him away for a weekend and try to restore him to his former self as it is quite clear he is suffering from Stockholm syndrome, which is the phenomenon in which hostages express empathy and have positive feelings towards their captors, sometimes to the point of defending them. So please if you can help then please let us win and get Pete out of this awful situation and restore him to his former self.

regards
Jolyon

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If you could look ‘under the thumb’ up in the dictionary the definition would be my mate.

He is allowed one ‘night off’ a week which usually involves him inviting people round to sit in his conservatory (no girls aloud though, not even friends). Everyone else has a drink while he speaks to his bird on the phone, sometimes arguing over why he didn’t text back immediately or answer the phone first time. He then starts falling asleep around 12 and everyone has to go home and thats it until the next time he gets a pass out.

Lets make this one a special pass out. We promise we’ll return him in reasonable condition, hopefully with all limbs intact.

From Mark Kilcran

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ENTRY FOR ONE OF OUR TEAM MEMBERS.

Hi,

Has to be without a shadow of a doubt Keith White of the Stag Company. This guys excuses are diabolical, and there is only one place for this guy the Nae Banter Express. Let me start as of 2012 he is now on a points system, now when asked by one of the lads to go out his reply ” sorry guys i got to stay in tonight to build up some points”. If he is not busy building points other times he says he needs to groom his rabbit. I did not know he had one till the other day.

These are pretty lame excuses for a man who calls himself “24/7″ and is out out a click of a finger. Even when he is out, the mobile is out texting the Mrs he will be home by Midnight and he will make sure he brings back some Haribo for brownie points. Keith White 2012 most under the thumb bloke

Regards

Michael Jeffries

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Don’t forget to join our Facebook page where you can get 5% off stag do accessories just for liking the page. Deeeeeecent.

We have a brand new assortment of these costumes for you to choose from, so let’s pick out the five best and see if we can’t find you something especially cringeworthy for him to wear.

5. The Baby

Remind the stag of his upcoming obligations in married life by decking him out as a baby complete with dummy and nappy. This one is especially cruel if you’ve headed north for a Manchester stag do, that northern wind won’t half take its toll. Best invest in a beer jacket at your earliest convenience.

4. Fat lady with tassels.

It’ll be open season the groom-to-be if you head to a club with him dressed in one of these suits. Men aren’t particularly fussy once they’ve had a few drinks and the sight of a full bodied scantily-clad temptress might earn a few gropes that will unsettle the stag a treat.

3. Spiderman

Ok, this one comes with a disclaimer. Peter Parker was bitten by a radioactive spider which gave him the superpowers – your stag won’t be able to swing from building to building but he will draw more than a bit of attention as you take over the city centre of your chosen destination. Spidey’s a winner.

2. Blow Up Cowboy

A guaranteed head-turner, the blow up cowboy is a great costume to draw attention to your stag party – particularly from nearby hen party groups. Giddy up.

1. Inflatable Penis.

It’s probably a bit early on Monday morning to look at this, but never mind – you might stand accused of compensating for something but there’ll be no doubt who the biggest d*** is on your stag do. ‘orrible.

UGO came up with the idea for the Barcelona Bohemian Hostel for Backpackers International Competition and would work by building large stone boulders onto reinforced concrete towers. The crackpot inventor behind it all, Hugon Kowalski, hopes that the rock will become a “symbol of Barcelona just like Ayers Rock is for Australia”.

As you can see from the artist’s impression above, living quarters hang precariously over the hum of traffic below so we certainly wouldn’t recommend that you choose it as the place to rest your heads on a boozy Barcelona stag do! Residents will need to lift themselves up the face of the ‘hotel’ via a harness so it’s probably only going to be useful to experienced climbers and people with far too much time on their hands.

We know we’d rather be down at ground level taking in a tour of FC Barcelona’s Nou Camp, or rolling deep in the city’s best loved casinos. Or perhaps bar hopping our way around the Gothic Quarter, Port Olympic or Barceloneta. Maybe we’d stuff our faces with tapas on Las Ramblas, or pick up something for the missus in a fancy boutique.

Having said this, we do get a lot of foolhardy chaps getting in touch wanting to hear about challenging stag do ideas. Remember our earlier article talking about the blokes who were cycling around the Welsh mountains to raise money for charity on their stag jaunt? Well, perhaps we’ll point them in the direction of the Barcelona Rock Hotel next time around and get them to scale the sides ten times without stopping. Or something!

One thing you wouldn’t imagine spending two and a half years doing is sitting on the toilet stark naked (unless it was the depraved aftermath of something like a Brighton stag do), but that’s exactly what a Chinese woman in Singapore has done.

Mee Yan Leong sat down to do her business one day in 2009 and decided that she could feel a ‘strong force holding (me) down’ so opted to stay there. Despite her husband and son’s best efforts, she remained seated on the porcelain throne for fear that neighbours would pelt her with stones and water should she ever go outside. Thankfully she managed to eat and sleep normally but only showered 18 times throughout the whole ordeal!

Despite considering leaving her at many points throughout the two years, the long-suffering husband decided to keep her alive on bread, porridge and water.

Now we’ve certainly come up with stag do ideas in our time that have led to our groups enduring prolonged spells on the bowl, but this takes the biscuit! Just think of the house’s other residents and guests. Just where would they go to conduct their bathroom business exactly?

All jokes aside you’ll be pleased to know that the clearly mixed up lady was eventually convinced to leave her ‘home’ and is now receiving treatment in a mental hospital. We don’t know about you but every time we deal with the after-effects of a fiery curry from now on we’ll be wondering if there is some strong force holding us down too!

Around 200,000 passengers are expected on the new services which is also good news for the unemployed in the Hungarian capital where 200 jobs are set to be created by the new routes. The budget airline has also put one million seats on sale at £9.99 to entice customers to book with them. These seats will be available to book until midnight tonight, so get your skates on if you’re planning a Budapest stag party – the tickets are for travel on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays, so perhaps do it in this order…

- Get sign-off from work to take holiday.
- Round up your mates.
- Book your stag do with The Stag Company.
- Get on Ryanair and book your flights.
- Put your feet up.

In other news, the Brighton Argus has reported that a Brighton councillor, Ben Duncan, has hit out at the Brighton stag do, saying,

“The people who organise the stags and hens have to take responsibility for the effect on the neighbourhoods where the groups stay. It is one thing to draw up a list of places for groups to go and drink but that’s not managing them in any proper sense. The issue is how they behave.”

Keith White, marketing manager here at The Stag Company has hit back, stating:

“Brighton has, for a long time, worked to promote itself as a fun, exciting, vibrant city, and a specific chunk of tourism, in the shape of £4.3 million, would be quite a shock to the local economy, jobs and businesses were it to ever leave for pastures new,

“I’m sure many of those complaining about stag weekends, perhaps are forgetting about their own ones they enjoyed all those years ago.”

Quite right, Keith, MPs out of touch? Who’d have thunk it, eh?