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The best stag night is the whole stag weekend stripped (quite literally) of all the unnecessary ingredients that have been excessively thrown together in the manic melting pot of adrenaline and pleasure.
This time you have a clock working against you which leaves you a window of between 12 and 24 hours to drink, drink, drink as much as possible, until the sun starts to rise from the east. Almost forgot, remember this is meant to be the stag's shin dig in the first place; you're the General commanding his troops so go for your life.
Let's clarify something from the outset, a stag night doesn't necessarily mean 'a night'. You have the pleasure of playing with a good few hours here or there so the 'night' can turn into something more along the lines of a crazy, full on 24 hour bender. Brilliant!
If you've been paying any attention then you'll already have read, 'How To Plan The Best Stag Weekend' and will be very familiar with the Five Golden Commandments – remember the Who, What, When, Why and How?
I'm not going to wade over spoken ground but as I said before, planning is everything. Get the Five Golden Commandments firmly etched in stone and you're laughing. Its simple, the rules applying to a stag weekend are the same for a stag night.
The only Commandment I will mention is 'Where'. Obviously, given a finite amount to time to play with somewhat limits where you can drag the poor stag and rabble of salivating mates. As those geeky scientists have yet to invent time travel we're left with tearing the roof of one of Britain's more exotic destinations.
Here's a few to wet your appetite:
It's got a very old castle and William Wallace went there a few times to have a chat about something important... what more can you ask for? So, unless the stag is getting married sometime around New Year when they celebrate a hog, this place is more suited for a whisky fuelled site seeing good time.
Glasgow Stag Nights
Famous in the 1980s for a smile and kiss but not the pleasurable types you're thinking of. Things have moved on from those darker days and this place won European City of Culture in 1999. In my opinion, definitely an untapped den of iniquity just waiting to be explored.
If you plan on strapping on a sporran then why not think about doing the dirty duo – split Edinburgh and Glasgow in half and sample their highland juices. An absolute Bobby Dazzler if you ask me and I know. Met some lovelies up there but we'll save that story for another time.
With a well documented ratio of one man to every four women you'll score even if you're well off target. Students also add to the 'Nottingham mystique' so if you enjoy talking Post Modernist Literature over a pint of wife beater then this is the place for you and your mates.
How can a city with the 'Golden Mile' be anything other than utopia? If you think this is too good to be true then let me tell you that Blackpool is the unofficial 'casino capital' of the UK.
If Vegas is just a distant dream you can still practice your card counting in this gem of the North. Don't worry about the lack of good weather as most your time will be spent staring Queens and green felt.
'Irish eyes are smiling'... they certainly are day and night in this top class stag night mecca. We all have a mate who's been there and remembered nothing which sounds like fun; also, what they say about the Guinness tasting better is true.
Completing this whistle stop tour of the British Isles is the capital itself, London. You're spoilt for choice with this city as there is everything imaginable on tap. Soho and Covent Garden are literally on top of each other with kicking clubs from across the globe.
There are so many great cities covering the length and breadth of the UK - all you need to do is pick one.
Those are a few of the cities, but before you start thinking about which one floats your boat I want to share a few more nuggets that will make your stag night pretty damn special.
* It isn't only the stag who gets to dress up (or down). Why not choose a theme for the stag night, simple 70s moustaches, chest wigs or pirate hats will add an unmistakable pizzazz to the evening's affairs.
* Make the stag wear a necklace made from wine gums and charge female revellers 20p to eat one from around his neck. The stag will enjoy it and you have made enough money for a couple of free pints. Bonus.
* Get an embarrassing photo of the stag and have t-shirts printed for all the lads. The look on his face will be a picture when you all strip off to reveal 'him'.
* Someone always has a friend who knows a copper and there is nothing better than staging a false arrest. Even better if the friend is female. Once the stag realises that she isn't a stripper and the arrest is for real he will be bricking it and you all will be rolling around in stitches.
* On a more practical note give out disposable cameras to everyone in the party. Believe it or not the old film variety still exists and after the stag night you'll have some really random and revealing photos.
Everyone will be totally up for a cracking stag night but before I forget, make sure you get everyone to chip in about £40 for drinks. As the General you can keep charge of the money and a 'kitty' will stop people worrying about buying rounds.
Stag nights are such great excuses to cram as much as possible into the shortest amount of time. You don't have to travel abroad to enjoy a rocking time, aside from the notorious weather Britain can be legendary.