Choosing Your Best Man

Choosing your best man is one of the trickiest wedding decisions you’ll make. Get it bang on so you are confident you have the right wingman for managing stag do ideas and big day nerves alike. Here’s what you need to know:

1. Think clearly

You want it to be an emotional choice, because you will be bound to your best man forever. But going with the toast of your uni digs just because he threw some cracking parties back in the day might not be the most sensible decision. Your man is going to need a range of talents; not just be a riot on the stag. Does ‘Fun Phil’ really fit the bill?

2. Up to the job?

Think about the real qualities you are looking for. Reliability is near the top of the list. If your best man messes up your send-off with some half-cocked stag do ideas and inept admin of stag funds, your mates are not going to be impressed. Likewise, if he turns up late to the church (or worst case scenario, without the ring) it will add to the stress of the day. You need someone with staying power and a level head to get you through. A degree of authority – and the ability to get on with people – for marshalling troops on the big day, and delivering that all-important speech, is also essential.

3. Best friend or brother?

Whoever you choose, your man will obviously be someone who has played a significant role in your life so far. Yes, he needs to be a ‘buddy’ – if he’s never enjoyed a few beers with you, it’s going to be a pretty sterile best man speech. But he also needs to be someone you’ve shared real experiences with. An old school or university friend can be perfect, and it will also add something if he knows your bride and your immediate family. If not, and you have a brother you get on well with, you have a ready-made candidate. While there’s always the chance you will drift apart from friends, your brother will always be your brother.

4. Soften the blow

What if you’ve got several good candidates? Being spoiled for choice might be nice, but it can present you with a managerial headache like the team selection at a newly minted football club. What you need is some clever squad rotation policies. Find a way to include everyone. Involve a group of good friends or a sibling by making them ushers – the best man’s group of sharp-suited helpers. Other options include choosing someone to give a reading during the ceremony – or even a skit during the reception, if you have someone with a flair for performance. A number of people nowadays are having joint best men, so as to not offend anyone, while also demonstrating how much they both mean to you.

5. Popularity

OK, you love the guy, but what do your friends think? How about the bride? If he's not a popular figure, it could cause some frictions, from dealing with relatives to arranging the stag do. You don't want anything to come between you and your big day (well, her big day), so be careful to pick a friendly fella.

6. Event Management

Whether you are thinking of travelling abroad for a stag party in Hamburg or keeping it closer to home, you need someone that has experience in setting up a trip for a decent size group. If they don't have experience in this area, then they at least have to show credentials on running something of the sort, you don't want someone who claims he 'can't be bothered' to pay until others have forwarded the money. Remember: Get the right man, and not only will he pull together some great stag do experiences, he’ll have the golden touch to prevent it getting too messy, as well.