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Categories: Dating Advice
In an ideal world, men and women would understand how each other function and their differences would never interfere. In this ideal world, life would be nice and peachy; relationships would not get to that complicated stage and life would be drama free and pretty damn good. Reality is however that we are indeed very different; and no matter how much we try, there is no way we will ever fully understand one another. Throughout my dating experiences, it has come to my attention that perhaps men don’t really know what women really want because they don’t really get us. To confirm this to myself, I asked 50 random men to tell me in a few words how they would describe women. I must admit that I was not very surprised with what they came up with and throughout this post I will mention the findings. I expected all of it and nothing less. I got characteristics like needy, bossy, annoying, caring, loving, manipulative, argumentative, cuddly, mysterious and many others. Let me explain. In the female world, there are two types of women…the “keepers” and the “work in progress” ones. The keepers are happy, down to earth women, who you can have a laugh with, who have their careers sorted or are on their way to it, who love and look after their figure; yes at times they feel insecure, and the odd moods come by, but for most of the time, they are pretty easy to be around. And then we have the work in progress ones: I think every woman goes through this stage to become a keeper; unfortunately, not all make the cut. These women tend to be more insecure, make a habit of nagging to their partners and about their partners; they cry every time they don’t like nor they agree with something; they are the women who men take out for dinner and they eat a salad and then complain they feel bloated; the ones who love drama, who are needy not in a good way, clingy, pretentious and unfortunately, for the moment being, a bit lost. They are also the type of women who need to be doing exactly what their friends are doing, so if one gets engaged, the others must follow through. Don’t even get me started on the collective baby planning…
Anyways, my point is that yes, there are many women out there who unfortunately give womanhood a bad name. The sad thing is that I am a firm believer in the fact that many women have become more difficult and much easier in the past 5 years or so, making men lower their respect for us. It’s quite similar for you guys; we decided most men are “jerks” because of the few men we dated who actually acted like that; and there so many lovely, worthy men out there, who really don’t deserve to be in the same category as the jerks. So lets see what women want and why some act the way they do.
It's the little things
I am sure you have heard this a million times, but the small, sweet gestures in life will always take you further. Women love to feel special. We love to be treated nicely, with care. We understand that men are not always as thoughtful as they could be; however, when you are and surprise us with a small gift of affection, you totally have us. I guess you can compare this with a good quickie. It takes you by surprise, raises your adrenaline levels and makes you feel amazing. Well, that's exactly what happens for us. Contrary to what many women may say, we actually love flowers. We love receiving them. Romantic picnic out on the beach or a pretty park? Totally sweet. Evening walk holding hands and sipping on hot chocolate? Guarantee happy night. Candles, good music, good wine are very helpful props. I guess what I am trying to say is you don't have to blow out a massive budget, you just have to surprise us with random acts of kindness. We are fragile and want to be treated with care.
Decent conversation and personality plus
I once dated a guy (one date only) who on our date just sat there looking at me, agreeing with everything I said. As if that wasn’t enough, he was also continuously smiling which kinda freaked me out. Apart from the fact that he looked like a total creep, his personality was in need of a makeover too. Just like you don’t like really ditzy, silly women who say things like “OMG” and “I feel so fat”, we cannot stand a thick guy either. No matter how good looking you may be or how big and well sculpted your biceps are, if you cannot talk like a human being and haven’t got a clue about what goes on in the world, don’t bother. We want to get to know you and figure out what type of person you are. Most women find ambitious, hard working men to be the most attractive. These traits will show during a conversation. The reason we like ambition and motivation? Because it means you are working towards a goal and will make something of yourself. And that’s important to us. Being able to communicate is one of the most important areas in getting to know somebody, furthermore in a relationship; it can almost be like the glue at times. You don’t need to be a wanabe Harvard university alumni, but we do appreciate if you know how to keep a conversation going.
Compliments, oh dear compliments
As you know by now, we are emotional creatures (27/50 men who participated in my research described women as emotional). Yes we are intense and passionate, yes we can cry and we can laugh, yes we get angry at times BUT we like to be loved and cared for. We have so much love to give and so much to receive. In fact, most men I have spoken to mentioned the words caring and loving when describing women. We are by nature the more nurturing ones. There is nothing sexier than a man who is confident enough to compliment a woman sincerely. Let me tell you, that yes, we can tell when you are not sincere. If we smile, giggle and say things like “aww thank you, you are so sweet”, there could be a few reasons why; 1. You got yourself a woman in progress, 2. We are in denial, and although we know what you’re like, we sometimes cannot deny the fact that we love the male attention and 3. We are way too drunk, in which case, you might even get lucky.
When it comes to dating, please note that we still want to be complimented on a regular basis. Please believe me when I say that majority of women put so much effort when they are dating a guy. You have no idea how many outfit changes we go through before we go to meet you for a casual beach walk, or how much money we actually spend on beauty products, fragrances, beauty salons, dresses, lingerie which majority of women don’t end up wearing because they are too afraid it may not live up to your expectations (or so we think you have big expectations); No matter what a woman tells you, just know that when we like you, we make sure we look as close as possible to perfection. Why? Because you make us feel good and we want to do it for you. So never forget to be a gentleman and tell her how great she looks, or how amazing her new haircut is. Flattery will get you anywhere darling.
Very closely related to what I was saying above…We want and (sometimes) need affection, we need to feel loved; No, this does not mean that you have to father us. 15/50 men which took part in my research named women needy! I must admit, I totally saw this coming. I know it may seem like we are needy. I really think this is because of the way you choose to react to it and how you perceive it (unless you got yourself a “work in progress”). You have to remember, we are designed completely different. Men think more, women tend to feel more. Men like to protect and be in charge; women like to feel secure and looked after. Men can get over things and move on; we hold onto grudges and will always remember things which upset us, regardless if they happened 2 days ago or 2 years ago. As you can already tell, due to our hormones and periods and other kinds of things which freak you out, we need to feel loved, we need to be touched, hugged, and kissed because that’s just what we crave. Majority of men take this as needy and annoying. But at the same time we offer you our nurture and femininity which you need as well. I want to share a description one of my good guy friends gave about women after describing us emotional and needy and mentioning the hormones; “Depends what time of the month it is. Pre-menstrual stress then menstrual stress followed by post menstrual stress. Gives us fellas a one week window of happiness per monthly cycle. Us guys live for that one week.” I know this is quite close to the truth, and I know we can be a pain in the arse, but if you want to make your life easier, just let it go. Put up with it, just like we are putting up with these “girlie things” which we did not ask for. It’s as difficult for us as it is for you. Do you think we want to be moody and eat chocolate all day? Sometimes you just gota let things go and show a little love. Breakfast in bed and lazy day together is the perfect treat to a little intimacy which will make us happy.
We crave and want sex
We want sex and lots of it. Yes you saw that right, we love sex too; in fact I think we love it just as much as you do, if not more. Difference is we are more picky about who we sleep with (well, some of us). I am however pretty sure that majority of women have a little bit of a freak in bed type quality, a bad girl who is waiting to come out just for you in the bedroom. One of the biggest disappointments that us women have to deal with your sometimes bad habit of sometimes thinking about yourself and being so turned on, that a minute later (or what feel like a minute for us), you look like you’ve seen the light meanwhile we are waiting for more; and then you wonder why we get grumpy. Men see sex as something of a physical activity, whereas women see it more as an emotional thing. If you understand this, you would probably get laid more often. We know that men are more physical and so we put the effort in looking good for you in bed and do some crazy acrobatics even we cannot understand how we managed to pull; but we do it because it turns you on. Remember to make your woman feel sexy and beautiful in bed, and focus on her sexual needs….I guarantee it will be the best night of your life. We also really enjoy foreplay, so we will never say no to that. Anytime, anywhere, whenever you like, we love it.
It is a fact that men in general like to chase, to conquer and to work hard for things. Men like to feel like heroes, knowing that they pursued something, fought for it and eventually got it. Women like to be fought for, won and chased after. In your world you call it the chase, a cat and mouse like game; in our world we call it courting, a romantic period of between two lovers. In my opinion, the beginning period is the best one. Everything is rosy, full of passion and cloud nine euphoric feelings. Make sure that the game is fun, flirty and sexy, but learn not to cross the line and differentiate between a game and real life. Remember, we are emotional, and sometimes insecure, so make sure we know you are into it for real and you genuinely care. Sometimes, a few men just ruin it for everyone. We want you to be honest. You don’t see it going anywhere? Stop it! Are you seeing somebody else? Tell us. (You would be surprised how many women would probably continue dating you still, probably not a keeper though). Don’t ever underestimate our power to figure out things. We are pretty clever at guessing what is going on. Put it this way, if you play your cards right, and you are a good player, we won’t have a clue; however if you don’t and you lose your game, we will know something is up and soon lose interest. The game is only fun when both people show interest.
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