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It has been scientifically proven that men think about sex every seven seconds but let me tell you a little secret – I think about stag weekends, stag parties, stag nights, stag dos, in fact anything to do with all the above every seven seconds. I consider myself something of a miracle and so do many others.
Anyway, it was during one of these seven second thought processes that I asked myself – what do those crazy Eastern Europeans do before they get married; do they paint pig shit on each other; do they watch TV for three days straight; do they eat only pine nuts to cleanse their souls?
This got me thinking (another seven seconds later) that I need to investigate and whatever I discover I need to share with you. You may ask why only Eastern Europe when we have the world at our fingertips – my answer is that the stag company is an Eastern European aficionado.
Well, I’ve chosen my stag party top five which include symbolic gift giving, crying, singing, and lots of drinking. Boy, you’re in for a treat.
1. Armenian Bethrolal
Get this, in medieval Armenia, a man would send his chosen bride some new clothes (cheaper than a ring); she would in turn send him food, such as sugar, butter, and milk (sounds like a feeder).
2. Getting Engaged
Hungarian peasants hosted a formal stag party during which the groom is presented by his future wife with a special black apron and embroidered shirt to signify betrothal. On a prearranged night, the groom would wear these garments on a walk – rather like Lilly Savage on a stag night out.
3. Brandy Invitations
A few days before a Serbian wedding, the groom's dad fills a flask with his best brandy, decorates it with flowers, slings a sack over his shoulder and sets out to invite all the guests. Each guest gets a swig, tops it up with their own brandy and pins a handkerchief or a pair of socks to the dad’s sack before he invites the next guest. No dad has made it to the church – piss heads.
4. Russian Tears
Once the question is popped Russian birds are excused from most of their chores and put on special clothing to signify mourning. Friends hold a sort of good-bye hen party and sing sorrowful songs at the passing of the bride's innocence. Why bother?
5. Transylvanian Dirges
Transylvanians think marriage is a form of metaphorical death, even playing funeral dirges during the processional. The groom's friends sing horrific songs about the dead departing this world. What a happy bunch.
All this makes me glad to be British I can tell ya.